Love always ou la lettre d’une veuve à titre posthume (Par Awa Diop NGOM)

Love always ou la lettre d’une veuve à titre posthume (Par Awa Diop NGOM)

Juste un samedi soir ordinaire et tout bascule… Ce matin là, tu as confié tes enfants à ta chère maman et leur as promis de repasser les prendre à 18h… ils t’ont attendu jusqu’à 23h et se sont finalement endormis.
La nouvelle tombe alors : l’avion sanitaire a disparu !!!
J’ai gardé espoir en me disant que tu allais défoncer un hublot, évacuer tout le monde et sortir en dernier, en bon capitaine de bord, parce que c’est ce que tu sais faire de mieux : sauver des vies et défier la mort, envers et contre tout.
Puis plus rien. Le vide total, l’incompréhension, le désarroi.
Cette semaine là, tu avais tout réglé dans ma vie et celle de mes enfants : la rentrée scolaire, les factures, les crédits. Tu as rangé mes bagages et remplacé les photos des enfants sur le chevet du lit par les photos de nos dernières vacances. Tu as même réalisé un de mes rêves les plus chers pour lequel je me battais depuis 3 ans. J’aurais dû à ce moment voir en cela une prémonition ! Je n’ai même pas deviné lorsque, trois jours avant, tu m’as envoyé un message troublant : « la distance ne sépare jamais 2 cœurs qui s’aiment ».
Mon Dieu. J’ai vraiment manqué d’intuition alors! Je n’ai rien vu venir, moi qui, depuis 25 ans qu’on se connaît, qu’on se fréquente et qu’on s’aime, sais anticiper tes désirs, tes attentes, tes pensées, tes mots. Certes, le Bon Dieu a préféré l’effet de surprise mais Yahya, toi qui m’as toujours dit « j’ai besoin de toi à mes côtés pour avancer », pourquoi dès lors n’as-tu pas envisagé la réciproque ? Tu n’as jamais manqué de m’envoyer un message avant de décoller « Jtm. Take care of kids. Love always ». Lorsque je te demandais pourquoi tu étais aussi systématique, tu me répondais « on ne sait jamais… au cas où je ne reviens pas ».
Oh Yahya, oh Yahya, Oh Yahya. Tu es parti et je suis impuissante ! Les enfants n’ont pas compris : «Maman, pourquoi le Bon Dieu n’a pas choisi quelqu’un d’autre pour aller au ciel ? Pourquoi papa n’est pas tout simplement blessé ? Nous on l’aurait soigné comme à chaque fois qu’il rentre et qu’il a mal à la tête»… J’ai espéré que tu allais finir par rentrer. J’ai laissé les lumières allumées dans le couloir pour guider tes pas lorsque tu rentrerais comme d’habitude en tenue blanche de Sos Médecins, épuisé mais ravi d’avoir amené ton patient à bon port.
J’ai dressé la table pour t’attendre et m’enquérir de ce que tu voulais manger avant de te le préparer, de dîner avec toi, discuter, rigoler, se contredire et se chamailler.
Mais aujourd’hui, face à la volonté divine, je dépose mes armes et je suis fière de porter ton deuil pour prier pour toi, mon homme, mon ami, mon confident, mon amant, mon grincheux…
Je prie pour le mari aimant, le super papa et le grand médecin que tu as été. 25 ans ensemble, en plein soleil comme en pleine tempête, une histoire intense et fusionnelle, volcanique et tumultueuse, avec ses étés indiens et ses hivers rugueux… une belle histoire, notre histoire, Awa et Yahya, l’union du feu et de la glace, défiant toutes les lois conjugales, chacun avec sa personnalité mais toujours ensemble, côte à côte. Tu avais démarqué notre territoire et moulé ta vie autour de « ma femme et mes enfants » et tu étais prêt à fusiller quiconque voulait transgresser cette ligne.
Lorsqu’on sortait, tu attendais que je sorte mes habits de l’armoire pour enfin choisir les tiens en fonction du style et de la couleur que j’avais choisis, pour être en harmonie avec moi… pour être mon masculin, tout simplement.
Aujourd’hui je suis la seule à pouvoir parler et toi le seul à pouvoir m’entendre et c’est à moi de te faire des promesses.
Je te promets le paradis car tu es parti en héros, je te promets mon amour éternellement et à jamais, je te promets de continuer ton œuvre : celle de faire de tes enfants des adultes à ton image, brillants, travailleurs, rigoureux, pieux, humains et généreux.
Je te promets la reconnaissance de tous ceux que tu as aidés, soutenus, conseillés, assistés et sauvés (le volume et l’unanimité des témoignages l’augurent déjà).
Je te promets d’être digne de porter ton nom et de brandir ton flambeau dans mes actes et dans mes pensées.
Mais puisse le Bon Dieu m’accorder une concession : je continuerai de chercher ta lumière chez nous, je te guetterai dans le lit conjugal, sur l’oreiller d’à coté, j’aspergerai notre chambre de ton parfum pour te sentir à côté de moi, je t’attendrai dans mes rêves pour que tu sois mon incube, pour me faire revivre nos baisers gourmands, nos acrobaties, nos fous rires déclenchés par tes chatouilles, je ne cesserai de chercher un signe de toi pour que tu me racontes ton plaisant séjour aux côtés d’Allah SWT et de Muhammad son serviteur PSL.
Repose en Paix, mon champion, mon gladiateur, Que la terre te soit légère, Yahya Mamadou DIOP, mon Yahou, mon amour.
PS : A tous ceux qui ont envoyé des messages de soutien, d’amour, d’humour ; à tous ceux qui ont envoyé des chaines de témoignage sur la toile, je vous dis merci du fond du cœur, merci de m’avoir galvanisée, de m’avoir soutenue et encouragée, merci pour mes enfants qui comprendront en vous lisant que leur Père leur a laissé un lourd héritage. Que Dieu vous garde.
Awa

Ceci est le témoignage que la veuve du défunt Yahya Diop avait fait après le décès, il y a quelques années maintenant et publié sur la page R.I.P Yahya Diop

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